I'm at a place with God that I've never been before. I've crossed into a realm that has sealed me in with no passport back to where I came from. I’m in a state of desperation and heightened perception that I never knew existed. What is this land? It is neither sky nor sea. Perhaps it’s depth and height both. Regardless, I don’t know how to charter these waters nor do I know the layout of this land. It’s so…new. I’ve always been in a state of growing in my walk with Christ, but I’ve seemed to have stepped into something entirely untrodden and otherworldy. I’m finding myself consistently undone, unglued. It’s not uncommon for me to burst into laughter for no apparent reason or, likewise, into sobs and supplications. And there’s this stirring, stirring, stirring in me. And it’s nearing a gnawing: a raging fire in my veins and bones. I don’t know much, but whatever place this is, it is holy. It is irreplaceable. It is good, but it is fearsome. I couldn't go back, even if I wanted to.
This place. The air here is weighty. It presses on my
chest and sinks me to my knees. The taste is of salt, trailing in on the wind,
leaving my lips chapped like an adventurers. And the earth…(is this earth beneath me?) it’s ready. It’s
ready to be tossed into fertile soil. Most peculiar in this country though are
its sounds. There are so many. And they are of so vast a variety that it’s hard
to define. There’s the sounds of chains snapping, but also of giants writhing.
There’s the sound of ocean-depths. And orphan cries. And billowing whirlwinds.
And clanking armor. And love-intoxicated melodies. What is this place? What can
it be? And what is this in me? There's treasure in my depths that I knew nothing of. Believe me, I'm not boasting in the jar of clay, but in the immeasurable Being I found that dwells in the encasement of me.
There are heads rolling of beasts I never thought could be conquered, and color bursting forth from places where only darkness was. And a door, as old as time-suspended in nothingness-unlocks a universe of wonder, spectacles, and foolish, lavish love for a King whose face is etched with laugh-lines. Everything in me seems to have snapped at once to make room for this Foreign Something. It's as if I swallowed the whole ocean in one sitting and now the weight of it, and all the life that teems within it, is within me. What has happened? And what have I done to deserve such goodness?
There's no precedent to this. There was no preparation for this. It's like waking up to find yourself positioned directly beneath the waters of Niagara Falls. Except it doesn't break or drown; it builds and breathes. I've been to places in You, Lord, I never knew, but never other worlds! What is this place? What is it?